After having too much breakfast in Saga, I can not really concentrate on serious things. So before I go into my last paper, let me get something straight, something that I always want to sort out but haven't yet had a chance. I am writing it down not to advocate any ideas, but to give myself a balance. Sometimes, you have to write them down to make sense of them.
First I want to talk about girls. In difference period of life, people are into different things. Several years ago, it is impossible for me to stop thinking about girls. Now, it is (almost) impossible for me to get excited about any relationship. It's weird, but natural. These days, the attraction of knowledge and understanding the world is just too strong to resist.
I am in a very crucial period in my life. The opportunity cost for anything is just too high. No matter what I do, I am giving up something else that is also very important and beautiful. Therefore I have to be extremely careful and dedicated to whatever I am doing.
I do agree that love is most amazing part of life, and love can not be quantified. However, being a good economic student, I have to calculate the input-output ratio. Learning and working-hard is a low-risk, high return business. The more time and energy I put into it, the better I will understand the world. This is an investment in the future. For a young man, every minute invested today is one lovely day in the future. Every dollar saved is a thousand dollar in 10 years (not considering the inflation).
On the other hand, a relationship is an adventure, a venture capital. The investment is huge, the risk is very high, and the return is uncertain. But if you are lucky, the return could blow you away. I love adventures. I'm not afraid of love or hurt. But I have to think about my goal, my responsibility, my country, my generation, and my destiny. I am just not ready yet. But will I ever be ready in my life? Maybe the state of "not being ready" is the fun part of love and life. Who know?
If this input-output analysis is running into a deadlock, let me look at love/relationship from another perspective. Choosing a girl is like picking a stock. You need to do a lot of research, follow the news (use Facebook to stalk people?), study the fundamentals and get to know the whole industry really well. It take time and luck to pick the right one. If you haven't found your right choice, you'd better not take position but keep watching.
On the other side of the world, in the field of knowledge and achievement, there are just so many great things you can do, and each of them is a "sure thing". You can pick any great minds in human history, study them, admire them, challenge them and, hopefully, be better than them. There are just much more great choices available here.
But, let me be honest. Love is beautiful. Love is desirable, especially at this age. I should be very aware of what I am giving up at this moment.
OK, enough sentimentalities. The next thing I want to sort through is "money". I use economic and politics to explain to world. I like money, but I don't really care about it because I know I won't starve. Money is my tool. Money gives me leverage to make things happen.
We are all trying to make sense of the world. Some people are more capable of understanding the world by using math and science. Some are good at music and art. For me, economic and politics "speak to me" in a way that no other subjects do.
I try to understand why. Here might be the reason: economics explains money and wealth; politics explains power and influence. People hardly agree on what is "good" or "moral" or "beautiful" or "true", but (almost) everyone loves money and power, wealth and influence. They are just more straightforward. This is human nature.
George Soros used to be a philosophy major and think about the world in more abstract terms. But, he said, he was lucky enough to get into the world of finance so that he has found a playground to practice and examine his philosophy. Through the financial market he managed to establish his own philosophy and understand the world better. This, according to him, has made him a quite happy person.
Same here. Studying economics and politics help me understand the human nature, helps me to make sense of the world. But, studying them does not mean that I buy into the status quo. Studying them just gives me the weapon to challenge them.
To conclude, I know that I am not formed yet. I am still confused. But I know my paper is due in three days. Now go back to work!